I was watching, "Touched by an Angel" the other day. (I know, I'm a nerd), but I love that show! Anyways, I watched one particular one in which the angel, Tess, was telling one of the characters in the show, a woman, that she was given the gift of poetry. Poetry was her passion and was used to better the world. Tess told her that everyone is given a gift, a talent, a passion from God. And that, God doesn't give us passions without having a purpose for that love. I thought to myself of my own passions; none have ever been greater than my passion for gymnastics. I feel in love with the sport when I was barely walking and the love continued to grow within me over the next 15 years. However, there have been times where I didn't give any gratitude to God for giving me such a precious and beautiful sport. I used the sport for my own pleasure and for my own reasons. My success was never contributed to the God that gave me the talent and desire for the sport. The more I let this truth sink in, the more I realize that there must be a reason God has allowed me to still want to do gymnastics, to still love the sport and most of all, given me the ability and body to still continue to train. However, there isn't one day now that I take for granted. Instead of going in for just my own benefit, I am trying to go in to inspire and uplift everyone around me. I am now trying to be a more encouraging teammate; giving help whenever I can. God doesn't make mistakes, there is a reason for everything. And while I still have a passion for gymnastics and a body to allow me to continue in this sport, I am gonna keep on going. If I only get one day; I'm gonna take it, if I only get one summer; I will take it, if I only get one more season; then so be it. Whatever happens, I am trying to stay in each present moment, loving everything God has given me, and trying not to cling tightly to any earthly things. This summer may be a test of my faith, but so far everything is proving that I still have time in the sport. Even so, I understand that overly-caring for the sport is the last thing I want to do. I am allowing myself to not care, at least not the way I used to. I am not looking into the future anymore than I have to, nor the past. If this summer is the last one I get in this sport, then it's gonna be one hell of an awesome summer!
So far, last month and these two days of June have been exhilerating! I was exhausted when I went into the gym today but I was excited to see Coach Nancy. This gym is so funny, it doesn't seem to matter how hard you try to get away, somehow people always find there way back. Both Perry and Nancy have returned, at least for now. Today was pretty uneventful. I was really tired. This was the third day of gym in a row, my wrist was hurting, and I have been going on walks and runs everyday this week so I wasn't really up to doing well at practice. It seems that not "caring" has allowed me to feel that "wasting time" is okay, I no longer feel frusterated, upset or angry when I'm doing skills that I will probably never compete or even do again. When we go to snack-break I enjoy getting to talk to my teammates; and Nancy in today's case. Then on tumble tramp we worked whips, and then moved onto whip 1/2, front lays. Mine felt good and of course, this prompted Michelle to suggest I make the front layout into a front full twist. I secretly had been contemplating going for it before she spoke, but I wouldn't have unless she had suggested it. Only 2 years ago, I shattered my foot on a tumble tramp doing an attempted front layout, front full. The only reason this injury happened was because instead of staying in each present moment, I was only worried about the front full. The result was that I attempted to do a front full in the front layout and well, it didn't work out so well. Likewise, in 2006/2007 I became very fearful of whip 1/2's and basically any back tumbling due to the fact that I landed on my head on a whip 1/2, 2 times in a row. That stupid mistake also happened because I was thinking too much ahead. I have a tendency to do this in both the gym and in life outside the gym... As I stood at the end of the tumble tramp, preparing to go, my mind momentarily slipped and I thought of my tumble-tramp, front full accident. Then instead of holding onto the thought, or even thinking anything else at all, I just jumped backwards. I stayed in each move, backhandspring, whip, whip 1/2, late twist I thought to myself, and then I was rebounding forward and twisting. I landed on my butt in front of the mat at the end of the tramp but I went for it, was safe and wanted to do it again. =D I continued to work on it til the end of practice, since we only had about 15 minutes left anyways. When Michelle told us to take our last turn, I said outloud that I was going to land this one on my feet. No one was listening, but I didn't care. I went for it, this time turning the front full over a little more and easily landed, perfectly on the mat. Michelle cheered for me, in fact she seemed more excited than I was. Honestly though, I am very excited at the progress I've made and the risks I've decided to take. I guess "not caring" has it's advantages, and apparently so does staying in the present moment!
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